she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
