Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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