Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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