so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
