No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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