I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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