I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
