True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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