Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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