You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
whose parrot is this?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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