roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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