the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
