Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
