sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
