So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
