I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
