reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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