4 words: hood of his car
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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