Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
