On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
