Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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