she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
