Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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