youre lurking in front of me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
