Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
