She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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