the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
