We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
