she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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