There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
