Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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