chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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