just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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