marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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