Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
