So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
