So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
