I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
