When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
