Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
