I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's never too late to be topless.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
