Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
