stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
