I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
