i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
