Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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