Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
