make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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