Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
