As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
