so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
