What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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